And yknow, the amazing thing is that bran and kun could actually find my site. like just from linking from this girl, link link link to mine. if they can find it, and read it, then HOLY SHAT ANYONE CAN. ANYONE. and that means that there's a possibility of getting my ass screwed and another friendship ruined. i'll be labelled as the bitch, the double-face. it's not like i can help saying what i can't under normal situations what. and i never thought that they'd be bothered about this. weren't they the ones who said that blogs were stupid and a waste of time? if they can actually manage to get themselves to find mine just from random browsing, then i'd better cross my fingers that someone doesn't, cause you'll never know. NEVER KNOW, DAMMIT. (unpredictable people eh.) was talking to brandon yesterday, and he was trying to get me to get over the whole thing. LOL.

B: hey
B: just forget about him
B: FORGET <----
A: >NO<
B: ...

XD LOL. and then we started talking about how we could torture THEM (<-- that's bran's idea. but my plan was simple, just torture HER only LOL.) and bran also said how he suspected that she wasn't even a girl at all but a old ugly man in disguise. good try, but apparently nothing really works (: but yeah, it's amusing to hear bran's different ideas on how he could mince her (or them) up and make her die so horribly. stuffs like, ah nevermind, i don't want my site to be rated NC16 LOL XD. then he ended it off with something like 'nah they're not worth it the cheap bitches, or cheap bastard, they're not worth my dog poo.' one more time, DON'T DISS HIM BRANDON. bitch is alright XD gawd ima shaddap.

then he started telling me something about trees? something that went like: 'cause of one tree you chop off the rest that's causing it to have no sunlight. it's pretty stupid.'

HAH, it's a nice one, but i don't really get the sunlight part. what's sunlight supposed to represent? =1 oh well. i like to do things my way.

and tomorrow, like *ahem*, HOLYSHITIT'STOMORROW, i'm going out with my uh, what can i call them, gang? brudders? good pals? the rowdy people? oh well, if i'm not wrong there's gonna be five or six or them. sigh, i don't wanna know who's going tomorrow and i shall find that out myself when i actually get there instead. i'm actually having second thoughts about going, cause:

1 there's someone in the group that i don't actually know or talk to him before. (besides remembering that he was in the same kindergarten class as me before.)

2 there's someone in the group that i don't exactly want or know how face. (IF, let's say he's going. well i'll find that out tomorrow.) if he does come, i hope it wouldn't be awkward, and i hope that i wouldn't have any shivering or shaking tomorrow. i shall just laugh everything off. EVERYTHINGGGGG. LAUGH. IT. OFF. LIKE. BWAHAHAHA. yes i'm cool.

3 i don't know if anyone has changed. i wonder if we could still be like before, when we would all sit down and laugh and joke about everything, and just have fun. it would totally suck if tomorrow's outing is screwed, like everything being awkward and there wouldn't be any common topics to talk about nor would we be able to laugh our asses off at anything anymore. i don't wanna find myself in a plastic smile and forcing out some constipated HA.HA. tomorrow. if only we could find ourselves back at the back of the school bus cracking some pervertic joke or making fun of someone, like before.

4 i don't wanna be some extra, left out. cause like besides me and denise, everyone else is a guy. and denise like hangs out with guys very often, goes lanning, plays basketball, prolly does all the things that guys do, so she'd prolly talk to them better and get along with them better. me? i'm just someone isolated from all of them. like i ain't really close to anyone of them anymore, besides brandon whom i've been talking to more recently. maybe waiyew, i do talk to him but that's just rare, and certainly not Him, i wouldn't be able to get a single fuhking word out of my mouth nor look at him straight, so tomorrow ima prepare myself to just sit there and laugh and smile and nod my head like a good girl. but heck, i can't stick to anyone, sometimes i think that i'm in a very different world from them. i'll just walk by myself at the back and prolly look at the scenery, like WHOO NICE GLASS WINDOWS EH.

5 i might just embarrass myself. who knows what wierd thing i can't stop myself from doing. i'll be like some idiot among them.

i hope God makes things go smoothly tomorrow, and that i can live to see the next day instead of forever not being able to hold my head up or face any of them anymore. going out with them after like what, 3 long years is a big thing. as much as i miss their craziness and the bunch of goofballs they are, how they make me laugh and all, i think they're actually better off without me.

honestly.

{ C }
the kind of girl who mopes around about stuff ALOT
& somedays on mute mode

A LEFT-HANDER WHO FEEDS ON JROCK :D

Is a caffeine addict, & doesn't mind giving up talking for good. With not much self-confidence to start with, her ugly teeth upset her a lot but she plans to do nothing about it. Cheap thrills include rainy days, graphic designing, writing & a little dosage of her jrock darlings. Can conjure up some really good shit in her mind sometimes, but has problems putting them onto paper and into reality. Overall an average kid who's neither here nor there in everything she does, & gets bothered by it sometimes. Has trouble finding her direction in life. Mostly negative and wishes to be more apathetic. Currently finding a way to start a new life in Japan, with a different name.

Still likes to talk to inanimate things like her stuffed penguin.

♥REITA,
just because.

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